Swimming Thoughts (take 1)

So, idk why these thoughts have been swimming around in my head, but they have. I have been saying over and over for the last 5 years I would never, ever do it again --- up until now I have been 100% certain I wouldn't nor want to do that ever again. If anyone asked, I'd be quick to answer - NOPE. Fuck that, one of the top 3 best decisions in my life was my Divorce!

So, why lately is that all I can think about?....probably tv. Yep, I blame tv shows lol. It's not that I'm constantly day dreaming about a "fairy tale wedding" - I just want to spend the rest of my life with Matty, the good, the bad, the ugly...who am I kidding...there's no ugly lol..

I'm 110% sure I was intoxicated throughout all of my previous relationships - blinded by something - always drawn to the losers...no car, no drivers license, no "real" job...probation...ugggg. When mom met matty that was her first 3 questions...job? car? drivers license? he passed the test with flying colors! :)

I was this close to shunning men all together, then Matt came along. It took me a minute to realize what he knew the first night we met. I'm convinced he has super human powers...no one can be that smart, funny, sexy, and psychic without super human powers.

I'm putting this on paper to get it out of my head - it's driving me crazy - this fucking thoughts....

I love Matty - he's become more then my bff, he's my FPE! I can always talk to him and he always listens, no judgment.

So, like I said it's not the typical girl day dreaming and pinning about dress ideas, cakes, decorations, destinations...I had all that and more once upon a time.. and we see how well that worked out. Just with the wrong person. I don't even really like diamonds...shhhhh. I want an adventure. I want to experience and enjoy life. I want a tropical vaca with us or with all our friends/family....i want to stand in front of you all and say "hey dude, I love this man! A Lot! I'm tapping out - I found what I've been searching for all my life. Someone who's just as fucked up in the head as me...no more, no less. He's the smartest, sexiest, funniest, man ever. He can fix everything, he loves drake, he's up for every wacky adventure I bring to him...whether it's polar plunging into the ocean in January or white water rafting or sleeping in the back of your truck when it's freezing outside. I am the luckiest girl in the world. You're so thoughtful, sweet, romantic - in your own way, and still completely Bad Ass...and always know how to put me in my place. You are your own person, and I love that! I believe we came into each others lives at the perfect time. December 30th, 2010.

I'm rambling now...back on track.

Then other times I think I want us to go on a vac and come back hitched lol ~

No planning, no cake, no dj, no dress, no gifts...doesn't even matter where - inside, outside, at a concert, gmas backyard, jeans, flops, and a t-shirt. I want to be with this man for the rest of my life.

I've even thought of the whole matching tats like on that show where they got "i do" on their ribs..no tattoo rings though...

These are the thoughts swimming about...i haven't said them out loud to ANYONE - this feels good. .

I've always felt I didn't need the "papers" or even want them again. So, why NOW? is it the season? working all these damn weddings every weekend? or is it him? He is the one :)

Everyone keeps saying "you have to work on relationships" "you have to compromise and make sacrifices" - what a crock of shit we have been fed all our lives. Relationships are suppose to be FUN! Adventurous! Exciting!!! Think about your bff for a moment...we're in relationships with people we like and want to play with and make memories with...This is the most awesome relationship EVER! Easy, FUN, EXCITING!!! I still get butterflies when he flies home and I"m waiting at the airport to see him get off the plane. Or when I'm walking through the airport knowing he's just over the stairs...I never want the butterflies to fly away...he's the most perfect person to complete my little family.

So, why not do it right? It doesn't have to be a wedding....commitment ceremony...tattoos....I just want to stand up in front of him, look him in the eyes, holding his hands and say I love you dude. Lets spend the rest of our lives being happy together.

I can't even believe I'm about to post this...but here it goes...

EEEK!