I Am Offically LOSING IT

 

I can either chalk this up to I"M REALLY ACTUALLY GETTING OLD AND LOSING MY MIND or OFFICALLY ADD/ADHD or I hate to say it but at times I think maybe I am a blond/retard. 

Uggggggggggggg. 

So, car pooling home from work, I'm not driving, reading my Chelsea book. We pull up to Megan's house I reach in my purse to get my keys out to drive home, and there are NO KEYS TO BE PULLED OUT!!! R U FUCKING KIDDING ME I"M THINKING? Really?? FUck.. i ask her to drive me home, at least I know I can some way or another get into the house, search for my spare car key which I already know I don't have bc it's at work in my office, and now try and find a ride to VB - FML right now..

On top of that, I have no cash and hear the ice cream truck coming BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO... looks like there's only one thing left to do tonight: Read my book, eat some pain pills, and have some wine.

Until NExt Time ~ Cheers.

The Woes of Walmart

Geeze-A-Pete! Where do i begin? I try and avoid Walmart at all cost, but those damn low low falling and dropping prices keep luring me back into it's sick twisted game. That, and it's the only place I have found that I can print out pictures in 13 minutes and buy vitamins for $6-$12...Fish Oil by the way is on SUPER SALE!!! MUST STOCK UP! :)

Anyways...Since I procrastinated the road trip to Walmart Monday night I HAD to go last night...with what started out and always does as a 2-3 item list...events happened that led to this blog...

Main Goal of this Trip: Yoga Ball, Print Pics, and Flea stuff.

Easy right?

In and Out?

As I got home already later then usual I started to ponder is there ANYTHING ELSE I MIGHT POSSIBLY NEED this week? .. yep B12! Oh and Tofu, if I get tofu i need mushrooms, oh and maybe some veggies for lunch this week, ohhhh and Limes for my Gin :) and cooking too, oh and face stuff (which means new face wash), and black beans. By the time I walked into walmart all of these items grazed my list. Of course walking out at $113.00 I bought Waaaay more then what was on my list...but that's ok.. I'm use to that.. besides that's the trap i mean beauty of Walmart right?

Ok, so first stop is the picture center.. Now, I like this part.. deciding which pics to print and what I'm gonna use them for...:) I find great joy and pleasure out of this and it's multi-tasking.. while I finish my quick shopping list I go back to the pic center and my pics are ready! whoo hoo Wonderful Invention! Thank you! I always go the the picture computer off to the side, in case some inappropriate pics pop up I don't want ALL of Walmart to see...so I park my cart, pop in my camera disk thing and start loading...as I'm loading this couple or maybe could have possibly been father and daughter duo walked past. A lil on the white trashy side...grey sweat pants, one leg rolled up, a white tee...hair a mess, and that was her...teeth missing of course and I believe he was wearing some type of jean overall :) hmmmm Like Bruce from Swamp People!!!! NOt that there is anything wrong with being a lil on the white trashy side..i embrace my fellow southerns...just giving a description. So, they pass me and he says, or grunts a little.."hmmm nice tat...you see that honey, look at that sleeve"..she glances back at me nods and proceeds to roll the sleeve of her white tee up to show off her shoulder tat :) I appreciate good ink just as much as the next person, but at walmart? hmmmmm Oh and I guess I should mention My Attire for my Walmart Excursion...I left on my "work clothes" which was my "easter sunday dress" which I call it.. it's cute, a lil preppy, flowy, spring flowers, and my pink yoga mat flip flops...hair up in a flower clip...

Next, still at the photo center, I see a Pirate walking in front of me!! Yes, a man dressed in a pirate costume, minus the eye patch, and the hat, plus a case of PBR (so right away I was intrigued). I couldn't look away, my mind starting wandering what is this guy doing? Is he really a pirate? Maybe otw to a party? or work? if work, what does he do? I wanna dress up like a pirate for work...and hmmmm PBR.. then I craved PBR.. by being intrigued and having all these questions rushing over me.. i was staring, probably with my mouth opened. Then I started thinking who wears a Pirate Costume on a tuesday at 730pm in Walmart?? this guy must be super confident, drunk, or stoned..and he was all alone.. hmmmmm His response to my google eyeing him.. he walks passed with his case of PBR tucked under his arm like a treasure chest and winks, then keeps walking! WHAT?! who winks at a stranger in Walmart dressed like a PIRATE?!?!?!  OMG all I could do at this point was laugh, yes out loud too! :) Thank you Pirate man for winking and making me laugh!
Another wonderful BONUS about going to Walmart - you always leave feeling WAAAAAAY Better about yourself then you did going in! Example, I'm still feeling bloated and swollen in the ab area from surgery, my face is breaking out like i'm 12yo, I hadn't washed my hair in 2-3 days, or shaved my legs in a week...so yeah, going into Walmart hoping I don't see anyone I know - - -

ALL DONE with the picture center, onto the face stuff and vitamins! Check, Check, leaving the vitamin section racing my cart around the corner like a rock star - super speed, these two very large black women approach me.. after I had already passed them. So, now I have to back step, turn around and say yeah? the shorter one asked, "can we see your sleeve?" In my head I think see it? uh.. it's right here.. hanging out for ALL OF WALMART TO SEE...outside my head I politely rolled up my tiny lil dress sleeve so they could ohhh and ahh and ask "did it hurt". OMG really? do you think if it hurt ME that bad I would have gone with the full one? anyways.. the taller woman as they are inching closer and closer into my personal space which I'm trying to block with my cart, I notice has just about as much facial hair as Matty Ice does...but shave down so you shouldn't notice it..but when I was super close I backed up.. almost jumped a lil, bc I was scared.. finally back to get my pics and finish my shopping.. After this experience I was annoyed and ready to leave, called Matty Ice while I continued to shop A) wanted to talk to him and B) what better way to wart off people approaching you if you're on the phone :) :) :) !!!!

Next battle at Walmart is always the Check Out LINE UGGGGGGGGGGG thank God for cell phones with facebook and texting to pass what sometimes feels like an hour standing in line, scoping out other people's CRAP IN THEIR CARTS - that pisses me off too...but that's a HB BLOG....as I'm waiting in line fb'in it up and texting Matty I glance forward and see this little mini person aka a baby probably 1 or 2 yo walking around with no shoes on aimlessly...geeze really people? if you're gonna have them, keep up with them. Then my stomach fell to my feet, mouth wide open, and a sigh of ugggg omg poor woman came rushing out of my mouth. There in front of me pushing a cart full of groceries all my herself was this pregnant woman mid-late 20's, with twin boys about 3 yo, and another lil one tugging on her side leaving Walmart. Thanks, but NO THANKS! hopefully she was babysitting some of the rugrats..but more then likely she's from Arkansas where this is completely the NORM. Like Matty told me the other day, I am no longer welcomed in Arkansas, they would probably burn me at the stake. . .

I'm Done, paid, and walking out, slipping my hot pink shades back on pushing my now $113.00 walmart shopping spree when all of the sudden out of no where out of my right view is this OLDER MAN.. probably 50-60 yo give or take. And here it goes again.. he says in a low country accent "how'd ya get ur dress to match ur tattoo?" Not having anything quick and witty to round off, now being exhausted from my Walmart Excursion I shrugged my shoulders and said Lucky I guess.. kept a walking a lil faster now. He crosses behind me to go left I continue straight and he says, "well that's a nice tattoo, and that's a nice dress too, looking good" with a lil extra creep in his voice and creep in his eye. AHHHHHHHHHH Thank God the Cops were in the parking lot in case I couldn't get away fast enough...

This is why I dread walmart.. people will approach you and want to chat.. Next time I'm gonna pull a Chelsea Handler and start making up bullshit lies and try and become their super fast best friends then fart!  :)

UNtil Next Time ~ Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Why oh why?

Why oh why must I shave? ugggggggggg



I hate shaving with a passion.

My legs, pits, you name it I hate to shave it hahahaha Sorry Matty, but you know it's true. Good thing I started waxing my peekachoo!! I mean I woke up this morning, put on a dress, didn't EVEN NOTICE my HAIRY LEGS until when? when I was in the parking lot at work - hmmmmmm omg really? lol..

Jamz

Gotta LOVE IPOD Shuffle

this morning otw to work I decided against choosing just one playlist to listen too, and switched my ipod onto shuffle mode..every-now-and-then it's time to shuffle you know? I love not knowing what's coming next, the anticipation kills me.. especially with my random mix. ha.

Car pooling as usual, and this is what we get:

Under the Bridge - Red Hot Chilli Peppers

Welcome to Paradise - Green Day (dookie oh yay!)

The only exception - Paramore

Fuck Me Pumps - Amy Winehouse

Could you be loved - Bob Marley

Whip My Hair - Willow

2 American Aquarium songs

DMB

Jack Johnson

Popular - Lil Wayne

Love Song - Sara Bareilles

Rhinestone Eyes - Gorillaz

Mary Jane - Alanis Morissette

Back to you - John Mayer

Haa haaa haaaa really?! wow.. I love it.. Jack Johnson came on and my girl was like whose this? I was like Jack, then right after we get some lil wayne rapping about pussy and shit LOL.. gotta love morning commutes in shuffle mode!

Until Next Time ~ Jam ON

A new way

I found a new way to shut people up! Tell them exactly what they don't want to hear or exactly what they're not expecting...example...
this chick on fb who I use to work with kept asking me since Wednesday...what I was having surgery for...most people in my inner circle knew, or the one's that needed too anyways...by the time surgery day was here I was tired and fed up with people asking so I started telling people I was getting my boobs done! :P hahah anyways.. so she kept asking on fb where everyone could see, and I kept ignoring her up until the other day.. Look bitch, if I didn't tell ya it's none-ya...and any smart fb person would have stalked my page and eventually figured it out...but I was annoyed by her dumbness and/ fucked up on pain pills i just let it out there for the whole fb world to see :) She asked ONE MORE TIME..."what did you have surgery for" I replied back "i got fixed yo"! :) wishing I was there to see her face and mouth drop when she read my reply! Have not heard from her since!

Until Next Time ~ hahahahah

ALL FIXED UP

Not only did I show up and go through with it, I'm healing up quite nicely!! Yep, I'm all fixed up! No babies coming out of this peekachoo! I'm stoked, couldn't be happier :) Now, it's definitely not for everyone, but if you know you know! One of my bff's just announced she's pregger's....................................................with TWINS! OMG! I can't even begin to imagine...I guess people are getting their shit together these days...I'm super happy, scared, and nervous all at the same time for her...i mean at one point in our lives this chick was and could have been my twin..damn that was a looooong time ago when we were like 18 yo hahahah! A) I can't believe she's finally having babies and B) I can't believe this year will be her 11 year anniversary married to "what's his name"...we were never fond of each other ;) Oh well ~ go forth my friend into baby land...there goes the freakin' neighborhood ugggg...just don't ask me to be in the delivery room, or show me pics of anything popping out of your va-j-j

As for me, I'm healing up fast and quite nicely! :) NOt working out yet, but come wed I'll be back on the vb courts and hopefully running.. still a lil sore to cough, sneeze, laugh, and use the bathroom.. but other then that I'm rocking! Thanks to super great aftercare from MATTY! And Mom! Mom took me to the hospital and stayed with me until I was drugged up and passed out..when the put the GOOD IV in and asked if I could feel anything.. i was like no you just stuck me.. geeze.. the lady said.. you will.. sure enough as soon as we were rolling down the hallway otw to the OR room.. which was really cool.. I felt like I was in an episode of ER or HOUSE! LOVE IT :) I could see the lights in the hallway move and people's face's started looking funny hahah.. by the time we got to the OR room.. I'm guessing I was pretty out of it.. the last thing I remember i was looking up and said "look at all the pretty lights" it reminded me of spot lights like on stage hahaha then not sure how they woke me up, but when I came too, I asked, are we done yet? and sure enough we were! super quick like 45min or less.. home by 11am! Like I said, everything went smoothly for my first time "under the knife" I'd definitely do it again! :) Maybe a boob lift or something! :) whoo hoooooo

Until Next Time ~ holla

This is IT!

Well, This is the week!!! 

Surgery Thursday morning...ekkkeeekkkk! I'll try and explain my emotions as of now: Excited, nervous, happy, nervous, ready for this to happen....i guess that's it.. def a lil nervous since the only surgery I've ever had is oral...actually thinking about going "under the knife" is a lil scary...even though they don't consider it Major surgery anymore and go thru the belly button.. it's still going under ... fears: what if something goes wrong? what if I don't wake up? I know the % is slim, but it's still in the back of my mind..the what if's...In a perfect world...I'll go in, the good docs will dope me up, i won't feel a thing, I'll wake up, eat some more meds, go home, nap, and then the best part of the day will arrive to take care of me, watch over me....rub my fee ;).... and yes, he's been warned that I am not the world's greatest patient..i tend to get whiny and cranky...but I think having him here in general will be AWESOME!!! So, baby just remember I warned you and there's fishing poles in the garage :) I love you Matty!! Can't wait to wake up and see your face!!

Until Next Time ~ Rock on