crazy in love

He's really gone and made a fucking romantic out of me.. and I have no idea why I'm sharing this email I sent him a few days ago, but I am.. call it bordem or something idk....but here it is:

just wanted to say I LOVE YOU! MUWAH I love love love YOU dude! ! ! Some kind-of-crazy LOVE YOU!! not like crazy crazy stalk you cut you up in little pcs crazy, but CRAZY like think about you all the time.. want to hear you snore next to me, pull your hair, grab your chin hair, nuzzle my head into your chest, rub your back, lay in a bubble bath all night, show you my new yoga moves (in bed), shot gun a PBR on the beach with you kind-of-CRAZY!!!! I LOVE YOU BABY! hope you're having a wonderful day mmmm hmmmmmm MY BABY! :) :) :) :) :)

I know.. I don't know what it is, but he's totally flipped me over and turned me.. :)

Until Next Time  ~ MUUWAAH

He said YES!!!!

Yesterday was a VERY EXCITING DAY for me, as I had my appointment with the doc to see about getting fixed! (aka tubaligation...burning of my tubes) Whoo hooo he said yes!!! We talked, did a pap, talked some more, and scheduled the surgery for June 9th! Whoo hoooo I'm excited it's so soon, I'll be completely healed by the 4th of July and the Wedding! yay!!

Then to top off a great doc visit, HB came down and we headed off to the Farm Market almost in SC...totally worth the drive too!!! Got tons of fresh food for the weekend!!  Grilled some tofu last night with my new seasoning "moijto lime" and fresh cilantro!! Hmmm yum!! Ooooohh and the Margarita spicy grilling sauce is the SHIT!!!! Love love love it!! Went for a run, grilled, watched the finale of American Idol with momma dukes and headed off to sleepy land...Only bad thing was Matty had to work late late and was up at the crack of dawn to get it again...so we didn't talk this morning bc I was still in sleepy land :(

Until Next Time ~ hmmmmm

Lucky, Blessed, Whatever you wanna call it

Remind me to never walk into a circle of women and say hey what's going on...when clearly there is no food, cocktails, or shopping going on...boy did I walk into shit...ugggg
What do you do when everyone around you is fed up with their man and you're not? My advice people don't want to hear...well except HB...she can take most anything! I've been there, done that, and like I've said before, burned the marriage license and bought a convertible =-) Bottom line if life is if you're not happy in what you're doing, where you're living, or who you're with ---- GET THE FUCK OUT. Move on, Move up, and go shopping =-) Shopping always makes me feel better...nothing like ice cream and retail therapy to cure a gloom day. Anyways...I'm not trying to be that girl who thinks they have it all together, because clearly I don't..but I've learned a lot in my 20 some years of living and fighting my way through all the shit...speaking of shit.. OMG I ran into my ex husband yesterday while shopping for mom's bday gifts.. ugggg .. just a wave and a hey is all we did which is WONDERFUl...i can't remember the last time we spoke ...I was in and out of the store sooo fast..he looked old! hahahhahaa yay!
Back to the point.. if I ever had one..I guess what I'm trying to get at is I've been through some pretty hideous relationships over the years, a horrible marriage, an even worse relationship...until I woke up and said NO FUCKING MORE...Lady Gaga Helps too...listening to her on the elliptical really really got me through some shit!! Thanks Gaga! It wasn't until the last one, I was like wtf am I doing wasting all my time with the wrong person.. I even contemplated switching teams entirely..hmmmmm but then here Matty came into my life. After day 3 of just hanging out he told me I was "the one" and I laughed...I was like nooooooo you have it allllll wrong.. I don't want a relationship.. I'm doing me..you're more then welcome to hang out and try and keep up...but NO Relationship, and defiantly none of this "you're the one" bullshit...damn country boy made a romantic out of me...don't get it twisted.. I still have one foot on the ground, well maybe a big toe, but no longer am I bitter about falling in love and having all your dreams come true.
What I do know now though is you have to MAKE YOUR OWN RULES, sometimes as you go, and it's ok to break them and color outside the line with black light ink. You have to make your own fairy tale - which mine does not consist of a white wedding with cake and bells and pictures and the pitter patter of little annmo's running around. My fairy tale consists of riding around the island with my bestie and having the best what do I call him? more than a boyfriend...my .... oh I know the cheezy cliché "soul mate" to run with, do yoga, play vb, travel, see concerts, kick it on the beach, fly around the world....go fishing with, play with drake, drink some beers, cook out...i don't need anything fancy anymore. All I want is to wake up next to Matty, roll over into his arms, and never let him go.....gush I know.
Like he said earlier today, bc someone he knew was bitching about relationships too...it's NOT hard..it’s not supposed to be work (you work all day, who wants to come home and work? fuck that..i wanna come home and play).. I always thought you had to "work at it" or make sacrifices, or compromise...but you don't.. I get to be me, he gets to be him and we just fit. We fit perfectly together..which feels AMAZING! =-) It helps he's just as awesome as I am...he's just so chill and easy to be around.. I enjoy talking to him and listening to him..I'm genuinely interested in what he has to say...he's a smart mother fucker! Helps he's sexy too! and has tattoos...that's been the problem.. dating "boys" with no ink...shame on me lol. I don't know why it's as easy as it is...it just is...maybe it's the communication..we actually talk to each other...have similar interest...both have the been there done that t-shirt...hmmmm I love it! I feel blessed everyday that Garrett brought Matty to the beach...it's changed my whole outlook on love

Until Next Time Bitches ~ Stop your bitching and find yourself a country man :)

Waxing My Peekachoo

Alright folks.. here we go...One more thing crossed off my bucket list!!!
I finally bucked up and got my Peekachoo Waxed!! :) YAY!! Now great thought, consideration, and consult with my doc went into this.. a lot of "what if's" kept popping in my head. Like, what if it bleeds, or rips off the skin, or I brake out in a massive rash all before my road trip to see Matty...I've been trying to do this for a few months now.. before I flew to Arkansas I wanted to get it done, but never did.. so finally a few weeks ago.. I was at work looking up some spas in Wilmington I like and feel comfortable with.. and called Bangz...I asked for the first avaialbe waxing please! The lady asked me if I perfered male or female...hmmmmm I never thought about it.. I figured this was going to be a lot like a massage versus the gyno so I answered with a casual "it doesn't matter, whatever's first". Knowing what I know now, I'm glad I ended up with KEN! He's like the Peekachoo Waxing Guru.. Ladies, Men... if you need a waxing look him up!!! FANTASTIC.. but we'll get into that later. Anyways.. so before I had my waxing I had an appointment with my gyno..a woman doc who I love! So as we're chatting and she's scoping out my peekachoo.. i apologize for so much hair lol...and said.. i'm growing it out for my waxing tomorrow... :/. I tell her I've never done it, but have been wanting too.. and she says NOOOO don't do it.. I'm thinking yeah right lady.. this is on my bucket list.. I want to wax it yo.. Then my doc gives me a quick waxing 101 and told me if I'm going to wax just leave a little on top of the hood/peekachoo area for protection hmmmm i thought.. I never thought of that, thanks DOC!
After consulting with my doc, and extensive research on the internet aka google...i was more prepared then before.. thank God.. I had no idea there were so many different types of waxing.. all I knew was bikini and brazilian.. oh noooo just take a look below what I discovered in my search for the perfect waxing:

Not only are there different styles, shapes, and names...there are names within the names..other names used to refer to a Brazilian Wax are Full, G Wax, Hollywood Wax, The Sphynx, Playboy Bikini Wax, or French Bikini Wax...Geeeze-a-pete! As I see these pics I'm thinking the triangles look alright..and that I'd like to keep a little hair ohh or maybe the heart.. but that looks hard.. maybe not for my first time. All I know is the doc said keep a little hair to protect the peekachoo!

I got to the spa.. oh I forgot to mention.. i have to go teach yoga at Jamie's with the girls right after.. EEEKK. So, I check in, they walk me up and I meet Ken..just like his pic on the website.. well much better in person! So we go into the room and right off the bat I tell him it's my first time, and this is on my bucket list, so he is helping me cross of one of my items! he chuckles, I think bc he didn't know exactly what to think of me yet.. here I am in my work clothes, pink yoga mat flip flops, and full sleeve.. nice lil combo...He tells me not to worry and to take off my pants cover up with the towel, and he'll return. So of course I had been driving all the way from work like an hour and a half.. so I was nervous about being hot and sweaty down there so I brought wipes!! yay!! Dropped trough, wiped, and prepared myself on the table.. very comfortable, like a massage table! Ken returns and right off the bat we are laughing cracking jokes which is great! I tell him the doc said to leave a lil on top, but other then that I need a waxing! Remember in my head I'm thinking the triangle right.. hahahahhaa oh noooooo.

So he picks up the towel, and says let's see what we're working with.. oh yes, this will do quite nicely.. awsome I say! let's do it! He talks about this may hurt, but just for a second. He's telling me about other hairy hairy clients making me laugh...now I'm using my breathing techniques as he's about to drop the wax on.. he starts with the top of the peekachoo...which I thought was the most painful...not painful cry, but painful let out a small sreeekkkkckckttt or whoooooo as I did hahah too funny. The warm wax was the best part! It felt amazing!!! I would do it again just to feel the warm wax down there! So, Ken does the top, works on the sides as I'm laying on my back with one leg bent and one straight with my hands above my head holding the table...so now I think that was easy we're all done! Oh nooo noo nooo not done yet.. we have to do the inside of the peekachoo area and the lips OMG i'm thinking are you serious?? you're gonna be down all up in that waxing the lips and everything?!? omg omg omg..boy I wish matt was here to hold my hand...I told Ken that too.. he said oh he can come in.. :( he's not here I said.. he's in Arkansas.. but I'm seeing him this weekend.. so surprising him with the waxing :) !!! Ken was a fan of this!! Oh Matt's gonna love this he said! :) so the inside of the peekachoo done..no pain..then the lips..no pain!! Amazing! Now I know we're done!! Then Ken says ok flip over..WHAT? I raised my eyebrows at him and said hahah you're joking right...no he said it's included in the brazialian...oh is that what we're doing I said?! hahah funny.. I don't think so dude.. He said trust me.. it won't even hurt.. the skin in the back is tougher.. the hard part is over with...hmmmmmmmmmmm. As i'm "flipping" over he says, but lay flat don't flip over to all fours..that will make me laugh..so then I laugh.. he tells me how some waxer's like for us to be on all fours for this part of the waxing, Ken doesn't not.. ! yay! this is weird I tell him.. I wish I had a camera on my face at this point..I'm asking him, you're gonna put the wax where? and be all up in the butt..omg omg omg.. I can't believe this is happening I tell him.. we just met lol.. So he dives right in, wax into the butt, then rips it off and repeats several times..goes by fast and smoothly though!! Now, I"M DONE!! 45 minutes later and some good laughs, I have a nice clean, bare, but not all bare peekachoo!! He called mine the Sphinx bc he left some on top lol.. too funny. I had no clue there were so many styles, names, and definetly was not aware that they wax your asshole.. gives a whole new meaning to asshole vaughan! lol But, he was totally right about being cleaner, and hygiene purposes it's great. He advised me that eventing to take a warm bath to soak the peekachoo..i did not tell him I was going straight to yoga afterwards...oops. Well, I did it! I waxed the peekachoo, and weeks later I'm still in love with it!!! I recommend it to all! I look at strangers, co-workers, and randoms and wonder to myself hmmm I wonder if they wax, and if so what they have going on down there...

Until Next Time ~ Wax it off yo

Thanks Mooooom

So, I started today like any other of my Friday Mornings....yoga on the ward! As I'm getting out of session, one of the corpsmen comes up to me, swings his arm around my shoulder and says in a low soft voice, "so your mom and I were talking, and I don't know how we got on topic, but your WAXING came up" OOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMGGGGGGGGGGGG Jaw Drops...trying to keep it together of course for the other co-workers around me and patients...You should have seen the look on face I gave him...nothing is safe with mom... this is why I don't tell YOU EVERYTHING. Thanks MOM... Gooooooooooooooooooooooooossshhhhh (from Napoleon Dynamite).....

I'm packing up my yoga stuff, putting the radio away, the mats...and here we are chatting it up about my WAXING! geeze-a-pete!!! He continues and says, yeah I was wondering where you go bc my wife and I want to, but it's really hard to find someone to do a guy..hahhaahahah awesome!! now I'm chuckling and smiling!! oooohhhh I gotcha!! You want to wax down there!!! Fantastic! So of course I was like, YEAH DUDE!! I probably have his card in my bag...that's ok right? I asked him...it's a guy who waxes me... no problem he says.. haha so here I am handing off Ken's (from BANGZ in WIlmington) card to a male co-worker to get waxed!!! LOVE MY LIFE!! Then we proceed to discuss how awesome the waxing is for hygiene purposes...I was not discussing my Peekachoo waxing benefits with Matty with my co-workers...male co-workers at that.. just said and of course Matty Loves it ;) !

Until Next Time ~ Happy Waxing!

No Aliens here please

Not that kind of move..not yet anyways..but the kind of move I'll hopefully be making sooner then later to tie'em up...shut'em down, xix-na on the ba-by...you know what I'm talking about?!?!

When I was younger.. much younger I first thought how cool it would be to be a young cool hip mom...as the years went on and the failed marriage, and dating continued, I started to tell myself I haven't dated one person I would want to father my children..pffft..a few years ago I went through a phase (lasting a short week or two, nothing crazy) where all I wanted to do was see a baby, smell one.. but still not get too close you know? Even today when my girl at work brings her kid by..who by the way is cute...still looked like an alien the day after he was born, but I think all babies do...i just saw some pics of one that looked just plain scary.. anyways...so when I see her baby.. I hold'em for a min then back to momma he goes...I can tolerate the older ones much better.. i like when they can wipe their own ass, and talk, and feed themselves without much work.. Like my cousins' kid!! FUCKING AWESOME>> THE COOLEST 5 year old I know! :) So the last few years...just not a huge fan of the kid thing.. and the more i think about what they do to you i mean to you physically and financially.. and socially.. I"m like NO THANNK YOU.. you want me to carry around an alien for 9 months in my stomach.. the stomach i've been trying to flatten for 20 some years..then you want me to shit myself while I push the alien out of my vagina and stretch it out so I can accommodate a 9 pound bowling ball - that alone is a NO THANK YOU.. NEXT. then I have to spend all my time and money for the next 20 years caring for it, teaching it.. oh geeze that's another one.. I would totally fuck up a kid.. i mean it's first word would be MOTHER FUCKER hahahahha.. no thanks.. DOGS are much eaiser!! food twice a day, bath once a week.. treats, toys...walks..naps with momma when we can....and I can beat my dog when he fucks up...people frown upon beating kids so I've heard.. maybe that's what's wrong with people these days... more beatings need to occur.. hmmmmmmmmmmmm
And then the social circle...you want me to play mommy day care, and stop doing what I LOVE..Paleeasse.. I don't think so.. I love my life.. and the life i'm setting up for ME.. no one else ... shit.. if I had one they wouldn't be able to keep up...or I'd forget it at home or something.. I have to give props to all the moms out there doing what you're doing bc I sure as hell couldn't do all that you do... I can barely do me...and I'm perfectly shit.. more then perfectly.. fine with that.. like I said.. my life and future just hold no room for a lil one in it.. well maybe an English bulldog...but no ALIENS..
 
So, come next week I'll know more about if they're gonna let me go forth with my decision.. i mean damn... 15 years of taking the pill - I'm done yo! I'm sure plenty of you will have your own opinions  on this topic..but I've made my decision a long time ago.. i've discussed it with friends and family.. and mom's cool with it.. and besides.. it's my body..if I want to tattoo it up I can...well I know I don't want aliens popping out of it EVER..so cross your fingers this doc will say YES!

Until Next Time Bitches ~ wish me luck!

My Baby

Oh how I miss Matty and how I hate Arkansas...
Granted it wasn't all that bad when I went out there.. I'm just not a fan of being separated by 1,000 miles, flooding rivers, earthquakes, fires at work, etc. . . it was wonderful seeing him over mother's day weekend though!! met the mom and step-mom.. uh ohh I know.. moving up huh? One step at a time I keep telling myself and reminding him too...I haven't been so good as this relationship thing especially meeting the parents and fam and what not...uggg I'd rather go to the dentist..at least they give me xanax hahahaha...I shouldn't complain though.. Matt's family has been WOnderful so far!!! Shoot, I've seen more of his family this year then my own...pffft. I still have yet to meet some main contenders though like his brother who I missed while I was in Arkansas, and his sisters...I absolutely adore his grandparents!!! I love love love grandma!!! She's so cute and sweet and can cook hmmmm mmmmmm! But baby steps I keep telling myself.. one day at a time.. and one step...the whole living together and moving in still frightens me. I thought we could start slow like weekends...then work our way up to a week at a time...i just want to live completely by myself right now...in peace and quite.

I guess he left sometime after Valentine's day..I am very thankful the number of times we have been able to see each other...I flew out there once, and he's been back twice now!! Once for my bday and then just recently for mother's day. . .So, hopefully the first of June he'll be back in NC...I want a week or two with him before the next go around...we're making it work for sure, but that doesn't mean it's getting easier. the key is to just keep swimming...or stay busy as fuck. That way I have less time to think about him being sooo far away. it's the little things I have come to appreciate too with us being apart for so long.. his cute little text and phone calls every morning and night, just the sound of his voice reassures me everything's going to be alright...even though he's a tough macho hard working man on the outside, he's such a sweetheart, and thoughtful..hmmmm! I love you baby! muwah My Babbbyy.

Until Next Time ~ muwah

So Much To Say, Sooo Little Time

It's crazy how f'n busy I have become in the last few weeks... I can't imagine when I start moving...I feel like my life has taken on a life of it's own if that makes any sense and consist of 3 Main focal points: Work, Yoga, VB...now of course there are others like Running which I've added into my workout agenda weekly...not quite able to fit it in daily yet, but one day..one day...activity wise that's about it...then of course there's mom, drake, tank (aka the little one), HB, and my love MATTY...it's crazy how all of the sudden it seems like my life is on a whole new path...not necessarily a path of enlightenment or anything like that...but just one year ago...i was still kinda in party mode...drinking...drinking...sleeping in...ugggg. How wonderful it is not to drink everynight, or every weekend for that matter. OH and I've finally kicked the smoking habit too!! I've lost count somewhere around 50 days it has to be! WHOOO HOOOOOO check me out mother fuckers~! ?? ! If you were to look at my calendar last week and this, it consists of work/groups, yoga, vb, running, EI, My cousin's 5th bday party (yes at a park with 1500 million other little rug rats), yoga, groups, meetings, vb, run, yoga, yard sale...But you know what?! I've finally found my balance it seems! I enjoy what I do, I enjoy making time for my yoga and run.. so what if my house isn't the cleanest, or my laundry is piling up yet again...i'll get around to it...I'm living for me...the vitamins have started too...B12 has been in my life for a while now.. just added fish oil today, and more to come.. more to come.. Wish HB would blog about vitamins (wink wink). Like I didn't know you could get the "fish burps" from fish oil vitamin...my girl at work told me that's why you have to take it with food bc you might burp up the taste of fish---great.
Anyways...I'd like to find a time, place, and money to start my teacher training for yoga, get my butt back in college..some online stuff or something, and move back to EI... these are my mid-term goals...been searching the areas for teacher trainings, and when I win the millions I'd love to go to the Costa Rica one for 30 days!!!! :) :) :) (wink wink if anyone is looking to throw money away or donate to a good cause) been searching college stuff.. bottom line i need the GRE's.. UGGG oh how I hate hate hate standardize testing...and the moving thing :) Well HB found a place for me just 2.5 miles away from her, .5 miles away from the ECLUB, and 1.4 miles from the grocery store .. and biking distance to everything in between on the island!!! Perfect spot, small, close to the beach, fenced in yard and all! ... the only thing is the lady seems to still be out of town UGGG I've resorted to semi-stalking her via phone and voice mails because I'm terrified someone else will snatch it up...I WANT IT DAMN IT.. I haven't even seen the inside, and I know I want it.. I need to be back on the island.. thought I'd be back on last year... well IT"S TIME! The ocean is calling my name...
see in my head I have it ALLLL planned out... move next month, give up vb(save money), save money on gas, get to work out and eat supper with HB, wine tastings at the wine market, bike everywhere...start my yoga program....college, pay off dentist and lawyer, have my own little apartment again on the BEACH this time...just me and Drake..with HB right down the road of course...yep you heard right people...moving to EI = giving up VB...not entirely.. just my 4nights/week league play.. i can still play on EI...just won't be the same..but then that will make room for beach bootcamp with HB.. which she had me do last monday when I thought I broke my damn body! whooos. So as you see lots going on.. and this is just scratching the surface.. hopefully more blogging to come very soon.. stay tune people and keep moving.


Until Next Time ~ Get off your ass and do something today and HUG A LOVED ONE! MUWAH

All the COOL kids are doing IT

Yep! I've hopped on the crazy train with the rest of my crazy friends.. it's the latest craze..call it a fad, but I think it's here to stay! Every where I turn people are doing it! Duel Marathons, Triathalons, 1/2 Marathons...warrior races....All I want to do is a 5K damn it!!! I need to start slow...it's crazy I know...the whole not smoking thing, getting "older", is really effecting me....So, I started running last monday right?? well not running running, but jogging...I'm slow and awkward, but I'm really starting to enjoy this shit.. weird I know right?! It's becoming addicting though!!! and the best part IT"S FREE!!!! hahahaha

My yoga friend just ran a 1/2 last month, HB's is traing for one too, but she's a beast!!! she can do anything she puts her mind too...and now not just one, but SEVERAL vb people are doing triatholons, duels, races, even my lil bro is running...I'm thinking I found my new little outlet... EEEEEKKK..never thought I'd see the day I wanted to run...pffft.. now that I leaked this info to HB, she's got me looking up training websites so I can run 5 miles with her next monday.. hahahahah let me start slow sista.. But the website is pretty dope..Hal Higdon..check it out.. pretty dank.. So along with Yoga and VB, I'll be Running...please don't come out and watch though... not pretty... I thought I was going to puke tonight lol.. and the old me, meaning like two weeks ago would have totally blown off my lil run tonight.. I mean i went to yoga, played vb for a lot of hours, and then came home and wanted to run...maybe I'm sick or something...fuck though...I am starting to like it...

Until Next Time Bitches ~ ahhhhhhhh