Sooooooo, you know when your parents tell you you can't hang out with a certain someone, or you can't date that one really good looking bad boy, or you better not smoke, don't drink and drive....and it makes you want to do it even more right?! Whether it's just to piss'em off, or just in spite.
Well, what if the opposite happens. What if someone tells you, it's cool, I don't care if you go out and have lunch with that guy, or whatever..hmmmmmmm now that I have your blessing I don't think I want to do it.. no no no wait a minute.. I see what's happening. You can't use reverse psychology on me buddy..hahahah! Uggg, like I said in a earlier blog - this is happening way to quickly and I have not a clue about this "relationship stuff". Yeah, I have my girlfriends, friends, and mom to talk to, but they haven't a clue either hahah no offense. I was beginning to think I'm cursed in the whole relationship world, I mean I've been there, done that, and got the freakin' divorce papers. Let me see, after one failed marriage, 2 really fucked up relationships in the last 5-7 years...wtf. WTF have I learned?
Here's What I have and Haven't LEARNED:
> I don't do well living with a boy
> I like to be in control, but no one has really stepped up enough to put me in my place when needed except mom and heidi
> I'm stubborned, but we all knew that hahaha
> I'm not patient; or maybe I've never really had a reason to be, hmmmm
> I don't like paying for everything, or driving your ass around...unless that is driving your big ole truck :) hahahaha
> At this point in my life, I don't see myself getting married again, or kids..but then again who knows right?!
> I'm needy and independent all at once
> I like my girl time, and I like my cute couple cuddle time
> It truly is ALL ABOUT ME, unless there is a friend in need
> I'm like HB's cat, or my dog, or a 2yo...I don't like the word NO
> I get super bored easily, meaning if you can't keep me on my toes, interested, and trying new shit, I'm gonna get bored and move on
> I like adventure and Trying things I've never done before
DAMN, No wonder I fail at all intimate relationships..ugggghhh. This shit is just as hard as trying to quit smoking..and of course being a girl doesn't help.. all that shit floating around your head..do i do this, what should I say, blah blah blah. I think the bottom line and the point I'm trying to dance around is I'm afraid, I'm terrified about jumping into any kind of whatever, and yet it's happening right before my eyes...it was happening even before I knew it was happening. That's the truly scary part. One day you're chilling with your buddies, drinking, shooting pool, watching people puke, having a grand ole time, then BAM...you're making out, holding hands, texting/calling each other every day...ahhh WTF is going on?!?!?!? I'm afraid to open up my heart again for it just to be ripped out, thrown against the wall, and smashed under his foot like a dead waterbug. I'm afraid I can't do this again, that I'm hahaha getting too old for this shit. I just read something on one of my friends fb along the lines of "I feel sorry for weak men, it's no fun not having a challenge". That is sooo true. I think maybe that's what went wrong with the last one..I need a Man's Man. I want a strong, truck driving, family loving, job holding Man. And it helps if there aren't any kids or baggage hanging around either.. just saying. But until then, I'm perfectly content with my life, my job, my friends...he's just the icing on the cake I've been waiting to stick my finger in and lick off - hahhaha
But for real..even though I have not a clue on what I'm doing or saying at most times, I'm doing something, some people call it falling in love, or smitten by you, for now I'm going to stick with I'm falling in like with you, and that makes me Smile :)
until next time ~ prost
No comments:
Post a Comment