This is what it's suppose to feel like

You just have to throw in the towel sometimes, just let go. For an Aries like myself this is a very hard task to complete. I mean not only am I stubborn, I've been burned one too many times and I don't trust boys. I've reached a point I'm tired of putting up the wall, I'm done fighting the feelings, and questioning every move we make. I'm done asking why is this happening, wtf is going on, why the hell did jr. have to bring you here...I'm done. I'm throwing in the towel. It has been about 18 days since we have even known each other, and yet I feel like I've known him my whole life. It's a totally totally different feeling which I'll try and explain later...Since we met we have seen each other every weekend, which is hard considering we are about 4 hours and 270miles away from each other. This is crazy right?! Yeah, it is, yet I can't fight it anymore. I don't even know what "it" is, because neither of us can put it into words...it's ridiculous I know. Even more ridiculous is the fact I talk to him like I'm talking to HB...no limits, no filters, just here it is, laying it out there..take it or leave it. I know I know and he's still here.. hmmmm. :) 
He even made a "basket" reference the other night in walmart..I haven't quite discussed that topic yet, but all in due time.. I mean he straight out said "you don't want to put all your eggs in one basket"...OMG RIGHT! That was my whole saying for my baskets 101 a few years ago...then I told him he was my front burner..my number one basket.. lol .. awwhhhh. 


There's nothing we can't talk about or do. Like he says, he's awesome, I'm awesome and together we're just fucking amazing!! It's funny too because we're both "damaged goods", meaning both been there and got the divorce papers. Only with us, no kids involved! Which is amazing and awesome. (no offense to my dear friends with kids, it's just not my thing right now, nor may never be) Quote of the day "we're like two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl =-)".


IT"S H-A-P-P-E-N-I-N-G...I knew something was different last weekend when we couldn't stop looking at each other. And when he looks at me with those big ole blue eyes I freaking melt. I'm melting just thinking about it. I melt on the inside to the point where I just want to fall to the ground. My body gets weak and tense, and tingly all at the same time, my knees freaking want to give out. I can't put it into words, there's no words in the dictionary or on a Halmark card that can describe what I'm feeling right now. I mean geeze-a-pete I've been in love before right? I mean I've taken the ultimate plunge walking down the aisle. And then I thought I was in love with lil ryan, then there was the latest ex boy friend fiasco that lasted a year and a half on and off, on and off, and off again. Ugg. So you can see my issue with doing this yet again...but that's the thing..it doesn't feel like any of the other past times I was in "love" or I thought I was in love. So I thought and told him, maybe all the past relationships were just practice, maybe they were just the warm up before the real deal. And then it was as if my stomach just dropped to the floor.. am I speaking of "the real deal"? I'm really having this convo with him about destine to be here..taking 20 something years to feel like this..Oh geeze...it is happening!! I don't understand though, is this what everyone else feels? I'm starting to understand the saying "when you know, you know" or "you'll know it when it happens" or "you'll know when you meet him". It's like shopping for shoes. I can't explain what I'm looking for or the feeling I get when i try them on in the mirror and say DAAAAMN. I just know when I see the perfect fuck me pumps :) It's kind of like shopping for shoes but 10,000,000,000,000 times better. I can't freaking stop what's happening inside me. I can't turn my brain off..I'm so glad tomorrow and wednesday are busy days to keep me busy and not gushing over him.


Another thing, I haven't even been wanting a relationship since my last breakup.. I like being single, I like dating, and going to dinners and meeting new people. I like the freedom and independence. And neither has he. This woman last night asked us if we were married, and I was like nah...happily divorced. Then Matty said, hahah no don't you see how happy we are..lol. I mean one minute we're out celebrating new years as friends, when under the stars, the planets aligned and magic happened. No, it's more then magic, it's like being on top of the world in your favorite place in the whole wide world, fireworks, champagne exploding, the Eiffle tower in the background, see i'm not even making sense.. that's what this is. I can't freaking explain it. So if someone could educate me on what it is please fill me in, apparently I've been in the dark the past 20 so years.


So the convo this weekend went something like this: 

why are you doing this to me? IDK, why are you doing this to me? 
What the hell is happening? idk, i can't explain it..me either. 
It's like a rush all over my body, it shakes inside when you touch me. 
I can't explain it. Stop it. I hate you. I hate you too. It's all jr's fault for bringing you here. yeah, it is all his fault. 
I've never felt like this EVER. Me either..and we've been married..
I know right. What are you doing to me? idk. what are you doing to me? 
This is a spell. You're a witch. kisskisskisskisskisskisskiss. 
I can't imagine fighting with you. Ikr, me either..but just wait.. you will lol.
I don't want you to go. me either.

So in conclusion of this wacky wonderful new adventure i'm totally submerged in, I still don't have an answer. lol. Go figure. All i can tell ya is I'm dropping my guard, I'm letting go, and I'm going to try not to fuck this one up. I don't want this feeling to end, I don't want to let it go..it's like a drug and I want more..and if all of this sounds absolutely crazy then SAWEET! I haven't ever ever ever felt like this, and all it takes is one look from him. So this is "it", huh? This is what "it's" suppose to feel like...hmmmm

Until Next Time Bitches ~ Prost